i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
