Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
