oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Randomize
