remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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