i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
