Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
