Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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