Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
then he tried to convert me to islam
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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