When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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