WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
