Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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