Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
