first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
