The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
