fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
