Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
