worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
