Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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