i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
