I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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