awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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