bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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