They should really pass out barf bags in church
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
