this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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