Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
