Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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