I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
