YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize