You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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