Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
