even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
