I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
