after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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