She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
