I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
