Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
