guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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