he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
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just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize