suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
