I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
