I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
