no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
