remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
