i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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