So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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