I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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