she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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