I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
