he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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