I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
