just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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