i was born a porn star she said
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize
