There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
