I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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