What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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