Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
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I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
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You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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