Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
