Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
