he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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