I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
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considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
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You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
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