I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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