I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
