Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
