ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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