Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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