Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
