She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
