I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
