that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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