I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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